I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize