i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
