I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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