I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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