my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
