We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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