I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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