I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
