Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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