fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize