We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
