he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
