I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
