she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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