my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize