Where did you get a picture of my penis
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
