he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
