We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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