hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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