I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
