Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
