i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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