i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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