she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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