he thought i was a dude.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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