He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
