who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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