shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
