im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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