Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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