You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
