Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
