and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
