i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
