I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
