Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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