Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
