The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
