we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
