It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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