I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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