idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
