White coat. Heels.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
