you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is my gift to your gina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
