I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
