yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
