Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
