just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
