i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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