So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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