i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
