I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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