everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
