There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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