If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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