my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
