guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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