Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
