THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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