I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
