I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
