im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
