my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
