i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
